10 Least Popular Halloween Candies 10. Bit-O-Squirrel9. Poisonettes8. Good n’ Sweaty7. Middlefinger6. Della Reese’s Pieces5. Clam Duds4. Baby Ruth Bader Ginsburg3. Gummy Marrow2. Ken Starrburst1. Osmond Joy Read more»
9 Mar
A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week. “Next Sunday,” she said, “we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark.” The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, “Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room.” About half the class rose and came forward. “The rest of you may leave,” said the teacher, “these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark.” Read more»
9 Mar
MISTRESS (to new servant)—”Why, Bridget, this is the third time I’ve had to tell you about the finger-bowls. Didn’t the lady you last worked for have them on the table?” BRIDGET—”No, mum; her friends always washed their hands before they came.” Read more»
9 Mar
An old artisan who prided himself on his ability to drive a close bargain contracted to paint a huge barn in the neighborhood for the small sum of twelve dollars. “Why on earth did you agree to do it for so little?” his brother inquired. “Well,” said the old painter, “you see, the owner is a mighty onreliable man. If I’d said I’d charge him twenty-five dollars, likely he’d have only paid me nineteen. And if I charge him twelve dollars, he may not pay me but nine. So I thought it over, and decided to paint it for twelve dollars, so I wouldn’t lose so much.” Read more»
9 Mar
To modernize an old prophecy, “out of the mouths of babes shall come much worldly wisdom.” Mr. K. has two boys whom he dearly loves. One day he gave each a dollar to spend. After much bargaining, they brought home a wonderful four-wheeled steamboat and a beautiful train of cars. For awhile the transportation business flourished, and all was well, but one day Craig explained to his father that while business had been good, he could do much better if he only had the capital to buy a train of cars like Joe’s. His arguments must have been good, for the money was forthcoming. Soon after, little Toe, with probably less logic but more loving, became possessed of a dollar to buy a steamboat... Read more»
9 Mar
It is said J. P. Morgan could raise $10,000,000 on his check any minute; but the man who is raising a large family on $9 a week is a greater financier than Morgan. Read more»
8 Mar
A female singer from the Bulgarian version of American Idol. Any resemblance with the English language is, definitely, pure coincidence… Read more»
8 Mar
Pity poor Trevor Bell. HMRC sent him 90 letters, each charging £100 penalty. Trevor, who owns Trevor Bell Construction Limited, recently changed the name of his business and had notified HMRC of the changes. But each letter stated that 31-year-old was in arrears with the company and that he had to pay the tax for the sub contractors he employed. As soon as Trevor alerted HMRC, they admitted the mistake and they said they would put it right. Three days later Trevor received the apology, those of us who are familiar with the dealings of HMRC, might have both feared and expected. He received a further 90 letters, all stating that he owed nothing! Read more»
8 Mar
This guy goes into a doctors and says, “Doctor, doctor you’ve gotta help me. I just can’t stop having sex!”“Well how often do you have it?” the doctor asks.“Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day,” he answers back.“That’s not so much,” says the doctor. “Yes, but that’s not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day,” replies the man.“Well that is probably a bit excessive,” says the doctor. “Yes, but that’s not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day,” says the man.“Well, that’s definitely too much,” says the doctor.... Read more»
8 Mar
A Scottsman, a Chinaman, a Pom and an Aussie were in the pub debating whose country was the best.The Scottsman reckoned his was the best, because we got the greenest grass.The Pom reckoned his was the best because they had the most beautiful flag.The Chinaman reckoned his was the best because of their Great Wall.The Aussie said we’re the best, ‘cos we got the kangaroo, and that can jump over your great wall, crap on your grass and wipe it’s *** with your flag! Read more»