Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority. Here are some actual humorous statements by airline flight crews:
“Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it`s warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it`s dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y`all wanna go there I can`t imagine.”
“As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.”
“Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments.”
“We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to a seat outside on the wing of the airplane.”
“Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.”
“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…”
Flight attendant: To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don`t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn`t be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.”
“Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults ac ting like children.”
Pilot: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry…Unfortunately none of them are on this flight…!
Pilot: “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land… it`s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.”
At the end of a flight: “Our flight attendants are now walking through the aisles with trash receptacles for any garbage you might have or anything else that you might wanna give us!”
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella…WHOA..!”
“As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
“Last one off the plane must clean it.”
