Tag: funny
Before he was killed, Osama Bin Laden was known to believe in astrology and went to an astrologer to ask him when he will die.
The astrologer told him that he will die on an American holiday.
Osama asked him, “How can you be so sure of that?”
“Well, any day you die will most certainly be an American holiday”.
Nice collection of short funny jokes 2012:
1.A young boy have come to meet a man saying that he wants to marry her daughter.
Father: What do you do?
Boy: I do robbery, stealing, murder etc.
Father: But that’s are all the negative activity. Is there any positive thing that you have?
Boy: Oh, yes sir. I am HIV positive.
2. A man went to a shop to buy a tie for him.
Salesman: How can I help you sir?
Man: I am looking for a tie which will be the mixed color of milk and coffee.
Salesman: Okay sir. But let me know first whether you will take sugar or not?
3. A dad is talking to his little son.
Dad: What you do when I become angry with you?
Son: Actually I go to the toilet, dad.
Dad: Toilet? Why?
Son: I just clean the toilet.
Dad: That’s strange. Why do you do that?
Son: I just use your toothbrush to clean the toilet!
4.A man goes to a shop and ask the salesman for a comb.
Salesman: Good evening sir. How can I help you?
Man: One of my comb’s teeth has just broken. So I need to buy a comb.
Salesman: But that’s just one teeth. You have the rest of them.
Man: Not actually. Because that was the last teeth in the comb.
Teacher: “Jasper, what is this thing they call Twitter?”
Jasper: “What do you think it is, Mam?”
Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”
Jasper: “I don’t think I know either, Mam!”
A group of biologists are traveling in a truck to conduct some research in a hilly region, when the driver loses control of the vehicle. The truck overturns and runs down the hills, crashing at the bottom & killing all the biologists.
All of them arrive in Heaven. They are all asked a question, “If you are in your casket and you could hear your friends and family mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?”
The first guy who is a good botanist says, “I would like to hear them say that I was one of the best botanists of all time, and left an eternal contribution to the world of botany.”
The second guy who is an ornithologist, says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations.”
The third guy, who is a scruffy mammalogist, replies, “I would like to hear them say… ‘LOOK, HE’S MOVING!!!’ “
Harry who played trombone in the opera was in a fix. He had committed himself to another act at his sister’s party on the same day he had to play in the opera. He tried hard but could not find a replacement. Finally he approached his household help and convinced him to do the replacement. “You can take my other trombone. Just watch what the guy next to you is doing and it would be all right”.
Next morning he asked the household help how it went.
“It was a Catastrophe. Your colleague also sent his household help to replace him”.
Sam : You know what, it’s really easy to get a divorce in the Middle East. A man is just required to say “I divorce you” to his wife 3 times and it’s done!
Jack : It’s even easier in the US. All a man has to say is “Yeah, that dress makes your butt look fat” once.
There was a bank robbery and the Chief of Police ordered the sergeant to cover all exit points so that none of the robbers could get away.
When the Sergent reported to the Chief that all the robbers had escaped, the Chief went mad with anger & shouted, “Didn’t I tell you to cover all the exit points??”
“I did,” defended the sergeant, “but they managed to escape through the entrance.”
There were three statisticians who went out for hunting together. They saw a deer and immediately the first statistician fired, but missed, by an inch to the left. The second statistician fired, and he too missed, by an inch to the right. The third statistician did not fire, but declared enthusiastically, “On an average, we made it!”
The shy, young man is thinking about asking his girl to marry him, but he doesn’t know how to say it, so he asks his father, “Dad, what did you say to mum so she married you?”
“I only said ‘OH NO!!!’ and then we got married the next day.”