Oscar Wilde, upon hearing one of Whistler’s bon mots exclaimed: “Oh, Jimmy; I wish I had said that!” “Never mind, dear Oscar,” was the rejoinder, “you will!” THE AUTHOR—”Would you advise me to get out a small edition?” THE PUBLISHER—”Yes, the smaller the better. The more scarce a book is at the end of four or five centuries the more money you realize from it.” AMBITIOUS AUTHOR—”Hurray! Five dollars for my latest story, ‘The Call of the Lure!’” FAST FRIEND—”Who from?” AMBITIOUS AUTHOR—”The express company. They lost it.” A lady who had arranged an authors’ reading... Read more»
9 Dec
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“Sorry, gentlemen,” said the new constable, “but I’ll hev to run ye in. We been keepin’ tabs on ye sence ye left Huckleberry Corners.” “Why, that’s nonsense!” said Dubbleigh. “It’s taken us four hours to come twenty miles, thanks to a flabby tire. That’s only five miles an hour.” “Sure!” said the new constable, “but the speed law round these here parts is ten mile an hour, and by Jehosophat I’m goin’ to make you ottermobile fellers live up to it.” Two street pedlers in Bradford, England, bought a horse for $11.25. It was killed by a motor-car one day and the owner of the car paid... Read more»
9 Dec
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- A new algae species attract a Discovery Channel film crew to your backyard.- The Grim Reaper shows up in his Speedo.- Dr. Kervorkian was seen filling IV bottles at pool side.- You haven’t seen that much scum since Mickey Rourke’s last movie.- The amount of body hair found covering drain gives Prince Albert a run for his money. Read more»
8 Dec
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Newton’s Romantic Law Universal law of Love:Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money “ First law of Love:A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.” Second law of Love:The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement... Read more»
8 Dec
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What A Reply !!! Folks, just read it…you will go crazy and will laugh and laaugh and laaaugh!Enjoy!!! Cheers, SR Hilarious Reply to a Matrimonial Ad in a Punjabi newspaper!! Dear Madam: I am an older young uncle living only with myself in Amritsar . Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely. I am a soiled son from inside Punjab . I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters... Read more»
21 Sep
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Joe Biden made a surprise unannounced trip to Bagdad today. The surprise wasn’t that Biden went to Bagdad, it was that he did something without talking about it. Britian’s Prince Harry has turned 25, entitling the prince to part of his $22 million inheritance. When asked what he’d do with the money, Harry said he wasn’t sure, but promised it will totally humiliate the royal family. President Obama rejected comparisons yesterday between the war in Afghanistan and the conflict in Vietnam. According to Obama, “Vietnam was a decade long quagmire fought against overmatched yet determined enemy while Afghanistan is uh, uh, um,- Hey did anyone see the VMA’s on Sunday?” Read more»
21 Sep
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This was a ficticious case written by the humourist A. P. Herbert for Punch magazine as part of his series of Misleading Cases in the Common Law. The case involved a Mr. Albert Haddock, who had been in profound disagreement with the Collector of Taxes in relation to the size of his tax bill. Eventually Mr. Haddock appeared at the offices of the Collector of Taxes, and delivered to him a large white cow “of malevolent aspect”. On the cow was stencilled in red ink: To the London and Literary Bank, Limited Pay the Collector of Taxes, who is no gentleman, or Order, the sum of fifty seven pounds £57/0/0 (and may he rot!) ALBERT HADDOCK Mr. Haddock tendered the cow to the Collector... Read more»
14 Sep
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1. Samoa Joe, one of the top wrestlers in TNA, gave an interview to Penthouse magazine where he talked about pranks ideas that wrestlers play on one another during backstage. When asked if he’d ever had a prank played on him, he responded. 2. Alex Shelley is Chris Jericho. NO! Don’t dispute this, don’t talk about his attitude backstage. I don’t care. Alex Shelley can cut an effortless promo and wrestle. That is very rare. He is your Chris Jericho and gets pushed into the main event. I don’t particularly care what happens to Chris Sabin. 3. Samoa Joe is your Stone Cold. Or was. I don’t know if you can build him up after what you did to him, but he should have been and should be the... Read more»
13 Sep
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Haven’t posted any quotes about taxation for a while so here are some more: ” I’m proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is—I could be just as proud for half the money.”- Arthur Godfrey “Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what’s called a red flag. That’s something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That’s a red flag.”- Jay Leno “Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids.”- Harvey Mackay “There’s nothing wrong with... Read more»
7 Sep
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In January 1986 the political comedy ” Yes Prime Minister” featured an episode “The Smokescreen” in which The Prime Minister, Jim Hacker, favours abolishing smoking through heavy taxation but he runs into strong opposition from the tobacco lobby and the Treasury department. The following exchange between the PM and his permanent secretary seemed especially worthy of inclusion on this blog: Sir Humphrey: Taxation isn’t about what you need.Jim Hacker: Oh, what is it about?Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, the Treasury doesn’t work out what they need to spend and then think how to raise the money.Jim Hacker: What does it do?Sir Humphrey: They pitch for as much as... Read more»