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February 5, 2012

Tag: young lady

July 20, 2011

Funny jokes-Court case

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One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, “I’d give $250 to spend the night with that woman.”

Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard their remark, turned around, and replied, “I’ll take you up on that offer.”

She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.

The following morning, as he prepared to leave, the man gave her $125. She demanded the rest of the money, stating, “If you don’t give me the other $125 I’ll sue you for it.”

He laughed, saying “I’d like to see you get it on these grounds.”

Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case.

His lawyer said, “She can’t possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented.”

After the usual preliminaries, the lady’s Lawyer addressed the court as follows:

“Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance.”

The defendant’s Lawyer was not only surprised but also impressed AND amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. Naturally, his defense was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it. He rose to the occasion!

‘Your honor,” he said, “my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted.”

The young lady’s lawyer answered, “Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted.”

In the Judge’s decision, he provided for two options: “Pay the balance $125 to the plaintiff, or have the equipment detached from its current location and provide it to the plaintiff for damages.”

The defendant wrote out a check immediately.

Case closed!

July 8, 2011

Two work experience lessons from accountants

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One – It all looks so easy
One firm took a 15 year old girl from the local secondary school on work experience for a week a couple of weeks ago (the daughter of a client).

Yesterday, the client phoned them and told them they were leaving. Asked if they were going to a different accountant they said no, their daughter was going to look after their affairs from now on as she had learned how to do the work during her week of work experience!!

Two – They learn so much
Another accountant reports having received a CV from a young lady (aged 17) who, during a month with a local accountancy firm, apparently took over the role of payroll manager, conducted an audit without supervision and seems to now be competent in preparing self assessment and corporation tax returns.

The accountant who saw the CV did not reply because he did not think he would be able to afford the salary of a genius, sayong “No doubt she will appear in the next series of The Apprentice”.

Credit due to @mwngiol and Tosie who shared these stories in a thread on AccountingWeb

November 12, 2010

Really funny jokes-Regular Man

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When a fellow piano tuner was ill, I took over his assignment of tuning a piano in a girls’ boarding house. While I was at work, several of the girls strolled casually through the room in various states of undress.

The climax came when a young lady, barely covered with a small towel, appeared to pay the bill. As I was writing the receipt, she suddenly gave me a bewildered look, then fled, screaming, “That’s not our regular man!”

Their regular man is blind.

October 20, 2010

Desparately seeking an attractive accountant

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Spotted this twitter trail recently (posted by a young lady in Auckland, Australia)

Dear Universe. I would like some kind of super-good-looking young well-hung accountant boyfriend who will do my tax returns and gst for me.

Reply from a friend:

Does he have to be a good cook too or is that asking too much?

Response:

Well I can cook quite well so I’d be happy to do all the cooking if he did all the paperwork haha ;)

Then 30 minutes later:

I can’t believe no accountants have asked me out yet! Michelle must have been joking about me being a guy magnet. How cruel! :-

Thank you @KristieAddison from the Transit of Venus Project

August 26, 2010

Adult jokes – About to

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A ninety year old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy year old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As the evening progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment, where they got it on. Four days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently.The old man said, “Sure!”The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived.” “Sure, why?” “Well you`d better get over there, you are about to cum!”

April 14, 2010

Really funny joke – Lord of the rings

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An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, “No, I’d like to see something more ‘special’.”

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. “Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000,” the jeweler said.

The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, “We’ll take it.”

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, “By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. “There’s no money in that account,” he said.

“I know,” said the old man, “But let me tell you about my weekend!”

March 15, 2010

Really Funny Jokes – A young lady

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A young lady who had returned from a tour through Italy with her father informed a friend that he liked all the Italian cities, but most of all he loved Venice.

“Ah, Venice, to be sure!” said the friend. “I can readily understand that your father would like Venice, with its gondolas, and St. Markses and Michelangelos.”

“Oh, no,” the young lady interrupted, “it wasn’t that. He liked it because he could sit in the hotel and fish from the window.”

January 8, 2010

Some funny jokes short jokes

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“What were you and Mr. Smith talking about in the parlor?” asked her mother. “Oh, we were discussing our kith and kin,” replied the young lady.

The mother look dubiously at her daughter, whereupon her little brother, wishing to help his sister, said:

“Yeth they wath, Mother. I heard ‘em. Mr. Thmith asked her for a kith and she thaid, ‘You kin.’”


During a discussion of the fitness of things in general some one asked: “If a young man takes his best girl to the grand opera, spends $8 on a supper after the performance, and then takes her home in a taxicab, should he kiss her goodnight?”

An old bachelor who was present growled: “I don’t think she ought to expect it. Seems to me he has done enough for her.”


A young woman who was about to wed decided at the last moment to test her sweetheart. So, selecting the prettiest girl she knew, she said to her, though she knew it was a great risk.

“I’ll arrange for Jack to take you out tonight—a walk on the beach in the moonlight, a lobster supper and all that sort of thing—and I want you, in order to put his fidelity to the proof, to ask him for a kiss.”

The other girl laughed, blushed and assented. The dangerous plot was carried out. Then the next day the girl in love visited the pretty one and said anxiously:

“Well, did you ask him?”

“No, dear.”

“No? Why not?”

“I didn’t get a chance. He asked me first.”


Uncle Nehemiah, the proprietor of a ramshackle little hotel in Mobile, was aghast at finding a newly arrived guest with his arm around his daughter’s waist.

“Mandy, tell that niggah to take his arm from around yo’ wais’,” he indignantly commanded.

“Tell him you’self,” said Amanda. “He’s a puffect stranger to me.”


“Jack and I have parted forever.”

“Good gracious! What does that mean?”

“Means that I’ll get a five-pound box of candy in about an hour.”

September 21, 2009

Kids Say the Darndest Things

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WHEN TO START CUSSING!
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. ‘You know what?’ says the 6 year old. ‘I think it’s about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods her head in approval. The 6 year old continues, ‘when we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with a$$. The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what she wants for breakfast, she replies, ‘Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.’

WHACK! She flies out of her chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying her eyes out, with her mother in hot pursuit, slapping her rear with every step. Her mom locks her in her room and shouts, ‘You can stay there until I let you out!’

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, ‘And what do YOU want for breakfast, young lady?
I don’t know‘, she blubbers, ‘but you can bet your fat a$$ it won’t be Cheerios!’

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