‘m not anti-social. I’m just not user friendly. ———————————–Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken. ———————————-Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen? O2.zip ——————————–The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI … ——————————-Ive just loaded COLIN MCRAE HELICOPTER SIMULATOR on to my PC … but it keeps crashing …’ ——————————-A... Read more»
19 Nov
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About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail Gorbachev at the Kremlin. When he got him alone for a moment, he said to Gorbachev, ”Mikhail, can you help me with a problem? I have some doubts about one of the key people under me. How do you decide that someone is smart enough to work for you?” ”Well, when I was interviewing Eduard Shevardnadze, I asked him, ‘Eduard, who is the son of your father but not your brother?”’”What did he say?” Bush asked. ”He said, ‘that’s me,’ so I hired him.” Bush patted Gorbachev on the shoulder. ”Thanks, Mikhail. That’s a great idea.” As soon as he got back to... Read more»
28 Oct
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Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, “Would you like me to be your friend?” The girl hesitated, then said, “Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, “Why are you standing here all alone?” “Because,” the... Read more»
29 Sep
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The victim of an awful automobile accident was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital, and the emergency nurse was ordered to prepare the body for the undertaker. Removing his clothes, she discovered that the young man had died with the most massive erection she had ever seen. Unable to take her eyes off it, she finally yielded to temptation, took off her panties, straddled the stiff and proceeded to enjoy herself. She was just getting down from the table when a second nurse came in and saw her and promptly reprimanded her for her obscene behaviour. “What’s the harm?” shot back the first nurse. “I enjoyed it, and he surely didn’t mind it. Besides, he can’t... Read more»
28 Sep
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.” Read more»
21 Sep
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I’m sure the majority of people here are familiar with the premise, but just to summarize for those who aren’t: you’re allowed to add or subtract a total of 4 points to current entries on the list; when an entry gets down to zero points, they’re eliminated. The last entry remaining wins. It doesn’t matter how you distribute the points, so long as you don’t exceed 4. For example, I could heal Metroid for 4, or damage Super Mario Brothers and Donkey Kong Country for 1 each and heal The Legend of Zelda for 2. Using the votes of other people is not allowed.You can either heal or hurt. The theme for this game is, obviously, game series. Advance Wars 20 Castlevania... Read more»
9 Sep
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> 1.That ball went so high it could have got an airhostess down with it. > 2.There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it’s of anincoming train which will run them over. > 3.Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald. > 4.Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter. > 5.Wickets are like wives – you never know which way they will turn! > 6.He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel butcannot go beyond 30! > 7.The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend,that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings! > 8. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine. > 9. The ball whizzes... Read more»
30 Aug
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Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but theyjust know that they are in love.One day they decide that they want to get married, soJohnny goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand.Johnny bravely walks up to him and says “Mr. Smith, meand Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smithreplies, “Well Johnny,you are only 10. Where will you two live?”Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnnyreplies “In Jenny’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can bothfit there nicely.”Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith sayswith a huge grin,“Okay... Read more»
22 Aug
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A bloke’s wife went missing while holidaying on the Australian coast. He spent a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there was a knock at the door and he was confronted by a couple of pretty miserable policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge said: “Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news and maybe some really good news.” “Well,” says the bloke, “You’d better let me have it both barrels, what’s the bad news?” The Sarge said, “I’m really sorry pal, but your wife is dead. Young Bruce here found her lying at about five fathoms... Read more»
22 Aug
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A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, “T-G-I-F.” He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.” She looked puzzled and repeated, “T-G-I-F,” more slowly. He again answered, “S-H-I-T.” The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, “T-G-I-F.” The man smiled back to her and once again, “S-H-I-T.” The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. ‘T-G-I-F’ means ‘Thank Goodness It’s Friday.’ Get it, duuhhh?” The man answered, “‘S-H-I-T’ means ‘Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday.’” Read more»