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February 7, 2012

Category: Jokes

February 2, 2012

Really funny jokes-The nuclear physicist

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A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.

The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first.

“Tell me,” said he, “if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?’

The inmate said, “It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful.”

“Marvelous,” said the head of the institution.

“Or else,” ruminated the inmate. “I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one’s life in bringing up a new generation of scientists.”

“Absolutely,” said the head.

“Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution.”

“An interesting possibility,” said the head.

“And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle.”

February 1, 2012

Hilarious jokes-Low budget film

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The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names they’ve gotten for the cast. “First of all,” he tells him, “We’ve got Gibson in the lead.”

The director is surprised, “You got Mel Gibson?”

“Well, no,” the Producer responds, “we got Marvin Gibson, he’s a distant cousin who lives in Queens, but he’s very up and coming. And besides, we’ve also got Redford.”

“You got Robert Redford?” the director asks.

“No, we got Jeremy Redford, but he’s very talented and has lots of acting experience from years of dinner theater. But,” he says enthusiastically, ”we’ve got Streisand and in a singing role.”

“Barbara Streisand?” he asks.

“No, Elizabeth Streisand.” The Producer responds. “But she’s got a great voice. AND we’ve got Goulet.”

“You got Robert Goulet?” the director asks.

“Yeah,” the producer replies glumly, “we got Robert Goulet.”

February 1, 2012

Good jokes-Batgirl

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What does Batgirl wear to bed?

A: Her Dark Knight gown!

January 31, 2012

Short funny jokes-How many actors?

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Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say “I could’ve done that.”

January 31, 2012

Really funny jokes-Hello

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Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.

One turned to the other and said, “Hello.”

The other one thought, “I wonder what he meant by that.”

January 30, 2012

Hilarious jokes-Dog in Movie Theater

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Following a woman with a dog out of the movie theater, a man stopped her and said, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I was amazed that your dog seemed to get into the

movie so much. He cried at the right spots, moved nervously at the boring spots, and laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Don’t you find that unusual?”

“Yes,” she replied. “I find it very unusual. Especially considering that he hated the book!”

January 30, 2012

Superhero jokes-Doc Ock

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Q. “What did Doc Ock drive to the bank?”
A. “An armoured car!”

Q. “What did Doc Ock do at the bank?”
A. “Commit armed robbery!”

January 30, 2012

Celebrity jokes-Best Supporting Actor

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Nick Nolte was nominated for Best Supporting Actor. It’s his first major nomination since 2002, when he was nominated for Most Maniacal Mug Shot.

January 29, 2012

Really funny jokes-Struggling actor

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After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks “What happened?”

“Well,” one of the officer’s says, “It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground.”

The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief,“My agent came to my house?”

January 28, 2012

Good jokes-How many Directors?

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Q: How many Directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just one… but how do you get him in there with the cute, blonde?

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